Labels: broken english, personal

Ohayo~

remember i told that psychometric exam on 20th ? well, that exam was postponed because oral test for english was on that day. actually i don't scared or nervous at all. ok, maybe a little. I was in qurantine room while others, one by one went for the oral. I just practiced reading the text on textbook and had a nap for a while lol. it was bored in that room while waiting my turn since i was the last person for that day.

i got the 'reading' theme. it was not hard as i imagined. it's all simple questions. but you know, when i entered the room my nervousness came and my heart won't stop pounding so fast. even after they gave a moment for me to think about the theme, i just trying to make myself calm, but failed. because of my heart was pounding so hard, i can't think properly before i speak. it was supposed to be a simple question and a simple answer. but i gave umm.. the right answer but there were grammar mistakes. hahaha.. it's already happened and let it go.

after the test ended, i was ready to walk out. but a teacher (there were two teachers) asked me where my parents' from? i was like... huh? please don't tell me this is a part of the test. but only said that inside me. i answered (simply and a few grammar mistakes) her questions. she thought i am kelatanese because she said my face is clean and fair. grrr she lied. hahah.. my face is not very that clean. but maybe she saw me from a distance so she didn't see clearly.

after i was out from that room, the nervousness disappeared and my heart pounding normally. i thought there is something wrong with me  aigooo.. i still feel regret that i couldn't give my best, give a splendid answers especially in that conversation. i need to learn more, practice more. fighting to me!

Labels: exam, personal

Don't you say you understand if you never feel it - nsu

Assalamualaikum

[1]

idk why, aku rasa miserable sangat. rasa tak tenang. ada je yang tak kena berlaku. careless. entah dah berapa kali aku kecuaian aku diserlahkan. semua perkara yang membuat aku rasa teruk, asyik terjadi aje. kadang-kadang benci dengan sikap pasif terlebih yang ada dalam diri ni.i wish i could be more bright. tapi rasa susah nak ubah diri ke arah tu.


[2]

i'm human. tipu sangat kalau aku kata aku tak terasa. tapi mulut ni akan sentiasa menipu. aku perasan semua tu. the body language. aku faham. tapi aku diam. neglect in the most polite. There's no words but that silent body language it tells everything. I know lah, i'm not talkative or giler-giler like others. i'm sorry but i've lost my sense of humor. i can't make people laugh. i'm not blaming you. maybe we're just stranger that always together. act, there's many things i want to talk to you, but it's just stuck in my head.



[3]

i've been wondering about judgemental and related matters. i don't care what people judge or talk about me. because they don't know what really happened. they can rate me as much as they want. then i've deep thought and act deep inside me, i care. a little. but i can still bears it b'cause they are just strangers who just passing by - in the future they will forget about me. we can't zip people's mouth right ?  And to be truth it's hurt, really painful when someone you love and trust judging you. it's like you've been stabbed again and again. I knew b'cause, i had been in that situation.

[tukar bahasa] aku pun judge orang - (( first impression tu kira judge ke ? )) tapi lepas tu, aku cuba fikirkan yang positif.

"manusia tak sempurna"

"setiap orang ada kebaikan dan keburukan tersendiri"

"mungkin ada sebab kenapa dia buat macam tu"

"aku harap dia sedar dan berubah"

manusia ni berbeza, so kita tak bolehlah nak pukul sama rata. Hidup ni ada benda baik dan buruk. Ada akal ? Buatlah pilihan yang terbaik. Memang betul keadaan sekeliling memang kuat pengaruhnya. tapi, tetapkan hati dan iman. appreciate your life and sometimes you should put yourself in others shoes, it makes you more humane.

[4]

i just want to make something clear about me and kpop. act, i prefer to use korea song more than kpop. Idk why. and i'm not call myself as kpoper. i am fangirl. i am just a girl who likes korea song and the k-idols too. korea song and the k-idol is just one of my interests. i mean ; yeah i admit, at first i am crazy about them. but it's normal right ? when you with something or someone you love ? i'm like that too when it comes to novel, anime, manga.

then about ' ship guy-guy '. this is all about my thoughts. i can't say every kpopers out there has a same thought with me. i'm not ship guy-guy and hope they get married. NO. hunhan, sekai and xiuhan are my favorite otp. not because i want them have a ghei relationship. i ship them because i adore their cute friendship. did you watched exo showtime ep 3 ? ((if i'm not mistaken)) when they buying chanyeol's presents. sekai buying together and their craziness make me ship them.

xiuhan, i ship them during exo showtime too. hunhan, i just love them. i just adore their friendship. that's all. i know there's a lot of fan especially non-muslim had wild imagination and made the indecent fanart and fanfic. i  hope they would stop. i'm sad knowing about that. and wonder how k-idol feels.

and i tried to reduce my addiction. my busy life as student and a sister help it to reduce itself. i can't stop listening to korean song. emm i just want to tell you why i prefer to listen korean song more than malay song because - i don't understand the song lol. good for me cause i won't be cheesy. maybe it's a cheesy song but because i don't understand at all, it's not cheesy. hahahh lol. kbye.

Labels: bahasa rojak, broken english, Kpop, personal, Random

I've been waiting for long ; luhan's black/dark hair

Assalamualaikum

Before aku ke main tittle aku nak fangirling kat luhan jap. Dah lama tak 'jumpa' dia. Miss him damn much wooohh. Luhan. Luhan. Luhan. I can't lah. Aku rasa gembira sangat dapat 'kenal' Luhan walaupun dari jauh. Rasa yang aku tak tahu apa rasa tu. Walaupun maybe orang kata tu sebab dia artis. Kalau dia nobody aku pun tak kenal. So, aku bersyukur sebab he's one of exo.

First impression aku tentang Luhan - entah kenapa semakin berubah. Tak sama macam dulu. It doesn't mean i've lost my interest to him. I still love him. A lot. Berubah macam mana ? Entahlah. Dia start pakai ear-piece. Aku sangat menyampah dengan ideal-type Luhan ; because i don't have any of them. Pastu, kan ada news yang Luhan and Lay got drunk. Mental breakdown aku waktu tu. I know there's nothing wrong about that. Act, dia nampak boleh tahan hensem bila pakai ear-piece. Tapi the first impression tu berubah lah kan ? But nevermind, I love him because he is Luhan. He don't have to change himself for anyone.

And yeah, personal. Act, aku ada blog for personal thingy. Lol. Masih ragu-II patut ke aku public-display that blog. Boleh tahan ada perasaan peribadi and dah tentulah ada kena mengena dengan manusia di sekeliling aku. Act, aku tak kisah kalau stranger /orang yang tak kenal aku secara realiti/ yang baca. The prob is kalau ada sesiapa yang kenal aku. I've different character in this two world. But me is still me.

Aku jenis yang 'aku lebih suka orang tengok aku ni bermasalah dari seorang yang menyedihkan' or 'lebih baik semua orang tahu aku menangis dari lihat air mata aku' Got it ? Tak payah faham pun takpe. Aku ni memang complicated. Aku seorang pemendam. Jadi, nobody yang tahu apatah lagi nak faham apa yang aku rasa. Aku tak pernah menyatakan perasaan aku secara berdepan. So bila kat blog or my manual diary ; kira tempat meluahkan perasaan lah. Cewahh lol

Eh dah lah malas aku nak membebel panjang-II lagi. Sebab lagi satu aku ni jenis yang tak reti nak express my feeling or thought. And I'm not a good storyteller or even a talker.

I think I've talk to myself more than to people. Perhaps

Wsalam.

Labels: luhan, personal