remember i told that psychometric exam on 20th ? well, that exam was postponed because oral test for english was on that day. actually i don't scared or nervous at all. ok, maybe a little. I was in qurantine room while others, one by one went for the oral. I just practiced reading the text on textbook and had a nap for a while lol. it was bored in that room while waiting my turn since i was the last person for that day.
i got the 'reading' theme. it was not hard as i imagined. it's all simple questions. but you know, when i entered the room my nervousness came and my heart won't stop pounding so fast. even after they gave a moment for me to think about the theme, i just trying to make myself calm, but failed. because of my heart was pounding so hard, i can't think properly before i speak. it was supposed to be a simple question and a simple answer. but i gave umm.. the right answer but there were grammar mistakes. hahaha.. it's already happened and let it go.
after the test ended, i was ready to walk out. but a teacher (there were two teachers) asked me where my parents' from? i was like... huh? please don't tell me this is a part of the test. but only said that inside me. i answered (simply and a few grammar mistakes) her questions. she thought i am kelatanese because she said my face is clean and fair. grrr she lied. hahah.. my face is not very that clean. but maybe she saw me from a distance so she didn't see clearly.
after i was out from that room, the nervousness disappeared and my heart pounding normally. i thought there is something wrong with me aigooo.. i still feel regret that i couldn't give my best, give a splendid answers especially in that conversation. i need to learn more, practice more. fighting to me!
idk if this gif related or not.
i felt sad, aggrieved, disappointed and a little mad to them. i want to act there was nothing wrong happened, i want to act like 'that' do not infected me at all. i want to husnuzon. i want to keep those feelings inside and let it be forgotten as the time passed. and there is my mom said something that bother me. i know she right because i felt the same. but how could i want to say my real feeling to 'them' ? i don't have that courage. maybe because i want to look nice to them; never complain, never touched, never show my anger. am i too kind or idiot or naive to always husnuzon ?
p/s: today is hari berkabung, let us pray for mh17 passengers. and don't forget to always send our doa to gaza.
Labels: exam, personal